Dreaming of our turn...

This morning while reading some e-mails from our Agency's Adoption Forum, I came across a video about a couple who adopted from the Philippines. The report was done by TQS, on a show called 90 minutes de bonheur (90 minutes of happiness - what a great name for a tv show!).

A husband and his mom wrote in to the tv show saying that they would like to surprise the wife/daughter-in-law by painting and decorating the baby's nursery. The couple had been waiting for their referral for some time, and they were feeling discouraged. The tv reporter and crew then surprised the unsuspecting wife with many surprises! It's a tear-jerker! Get your kleenex ready and click on the link below.

(for those of you who don't speak french...I post a translation in the comments...I don't want to ruin the surprises for those who want to watch the video - it's worth it to watch it)

http://ft1.tqs.ca/videos/90-minutes-de-bonheur/2007/11/adoption-international-19733.php

...after watching the video...we are dreaming of our turn...when will we get the call...where will we be...what will our reactions be...how will we announce it to our families...so many happy things to think of today!

Four Months

We're four months closer to our Little One!
The waiting is not easy, but we are finding ways to get through it. We are continuing to read about attachment and about the Philippines. I just finished reading "Becoming a family" by Lark Eshleman, Ph.D. It has some great info about bringing our Little One home, it gives some great pointers about what attachment should look and feel like as well as some information about our homecoming/attachment time that we'll be passing along to our families.

I have already begun making lists for our trip (things to bring, things to buy when we're there, and thanks to Rachel a list of questions to ask...). I have a journal that I have been keeping since August 2008. I have been writing letters to our Little One every now and again, this is also the same book where we have started to keep our lists of things not to forget...I love lists!

If it is possible to do so, we would like to vacation in the Philippines just before we adopt, so we are doing some research. We will have to be pretty organized to be able to pull it off, because we won't have much notice to travel, but it is something that we both want to do very much. So far we have talked to our resource person from our agency and she doesn't think there will be a problem, other than being willing to travel without much notice. We'll have to investigate this a little further once we actually receive our referral, but so far it doesn't seem impossible...so we're hopeful!

Encouraged!

I just finished reading about this family's adoption journey. I am so encouraged. I love the honesty, and the raw emotions that were shared. Even though I don't know this family, I found myself laughing and crying and sighing with joy and frustration at the process. Thanks so much for sharing your blog. I am so glad that I stumbled upon it! I especially love your "Tips for adoption travels".

There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about our adoption and about our little one coming home to us! I try not to think in terms of time frames, because I think that will make me crazy (some might say crazier :) ). Lately I have been focusing on decorating the little one's room; painting the mural and finding the right fabric for the bedding. It helps me deal with the wait when I have a project that I am actively working on.

Three Months

So we've passed the three month mark...the wait has gotten somewhat easier since the holidays have passed. We are able to see that the end of our adoption journey is near.

This month, we finished painting the stairway to the basement - What a difference some paint and lighting makes! We still have some work to do on the little one's room, but we cannot agree on the paint scheme. Eric wants us to paint a mural on all the walls, where I want to paint a mural on only one wall. I think we are going to try painting two walls and see how it feels. We have quite a bit of work to do in that room, so we'll have to start working on it soon.

This month, we have been talking a lot about names for our little one. We are not going to be sharing our choice until after we receive our proposal, and maybe not until we meet our little one. It is interesting to hear our family member's suggestions and to play around with different names. Eric has a bunch of boy names that he would like, but I'm not yet convinced. In the event that we are proposed a girl, we have chosen a girl name that we agree on.

Two months

This Christmas season was somewhat difficult; its been two months of officially waiting to adopt, and all Christmas events and happenings are seen through that filter. And there were two family members who were missing this year, one who passed away and one who is working halfway around the world with MSF.
Our house is in need of some renovations before the little one arrives. We began doing some of the reno work this month. We sanded, and primed the stairway leading to our unfinished basement. We had not painted the stairway when we moved into the house (three years ago) so who knows how long it has been since that stairway was painted... The walls are now ready to be painted, what a difference some plaster and primer makes! During our wait we are planning to tackle as much of the basement as we can.
We also have some work to do in the little one's room which we will be getting to...the "Moose themed" room has just about all the moose items that it will need (or can fit), so next we will be working on painting/decorating the walls.



Tammy has realized that once we adopt, when Eric comes home from work the ordinarily calm house will turn into a mad house with Eric, Hobbes and the little one running, jumping and wrestling until, during and after supper until she has had enough and she cries "that's enough, you need to calm down!" That is what happens now so we can only imagine what adding a little one into the mix will do.

The beginning

How our journey began
I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrom (PCOS) when I was sixteen. I knew then that getting pregnant and giving birth to biological children would be difficult if not impossible for me. So before getting married, Eric and I discussed adoption as an option for creating our family. We did try to conceive naturally, and with the use of fertility drugs, but in the end, we were not able to conceive. After researching other infertility treatments we did not feel comfortable with the "success rates", so we started considering adoption and foster care. The two years that we spent trying to conceive took a toll on us and we decided that we needed to take a break from trying to conceive and just focus on us.
Foster Care or Adoption
We researched foster care first and were not comfortable with it because the laws in Quebec tend to be in favor of returning children to their biological parents/family. We knew that it would be too difficult for us to finally have a child and then lose them so we knew that foster care was not the way to go for us (at least for our first child). We then began researching international adoption (because we live in Quebec, all adoptions that are not through foster care are considered international adoptions). Around this same time, Eric's aunt adopted two girls from Haiti, after having one unsuccessful adoption in India. We were able to see first hand as his aunt adopted first one and then another how the adopted child could integrate into the family, community and country. Neither of the girls spoke French when they were adopted, however it was not long before they were able to communicate easily. We thought that we would adopt from Haiti too, we even attended an information session to help us to prepare. We were not quite ready to adopt then (around 2005), so we waited awhile, and then in December 2007, we realized that we were ready to adopt (knowing that the process takes between two and four years). Before announcing our decision to our families, we decided that we would research the country and actually register with an adoption agency before making it official with our family and friends. When we contacted the agency that Eric's aunt used, they informed us that we no longer met their criteria (we were not yet 35 and we had not been married for 10 years), we could not adopt from Haiti. We contacted another agency that facilitates adoptions from Haiti and were told the same thing. It was official, unless we wanted to wait another two years before beginning the process (and then wait for two to four years for the adoption to be finalized), we would not adopt from Haiti, we were saddened, by this news, but we decided that we would investigate other countries. Eric was doing most of the research for the countries, he contacted a bunch of agencies, asked all of the questions and then we discussed the information he collected. I was really happy that he took the lead on this part of the process, I was feeling discouraged and did not feel up to all the research. After much research, we realized that there was only one agency that was available for us, I must say that I was discouraged and was struggling with the decision of the agency. One day I was praying and asking God why the process seemed so difficult, and I was reminded that throughout the years, everytime I prayed about our adoption, I asked God to help us to find the child that he wanted us to have. I then felt comforted knowing that there was only one agency that was available for us. The choice was clear.
We were looking for an agency that would help us to adopt a healthy child, from an orphanage where the children would be well taken care of, where we could adopt within a reasonable amount of time, all while staying within our budget. Our agency meets all of that criteria. There was a moment where we were not sure about whether we would adopt from the Philippines or from China, but after attending information sessions and having all of our questions answered, we decided on the Philippines. We are both so excited to embark on the next chapter of our lives!

One month

It's been one month since we heard the fab news that we were officially approved to adopt from the Philippines... and time has since moved forward like a dead sloth going uphill in a blizzard. So like we don't know if it's because we have been talking more about the adoption together and with others, but, wow...

We find ourselves daydreaming about being parents; about having a little furless monkey around and how that will change and challenge our family dynamics; about names for our child (like Van-Troy which is an awesome name); about our trip to the Philippines; about other adopting families and how they manage to deal with the wait.

and...the wait continues...